1. Trained in Journalism by American University.
2. Editor and Chief of The Eagle (AU newspaper)
3. Internship with Washington Post
Now, I work as a new-age Journalist for Buzzfeed.com. I am a lister, I write only lists; They are often accompanied by pictures and gif sets of:
3. 90s TV shows
5. Barack Obama
I am made of:
3. A Range Rover
5. Therapy appointments
6. Dread for explaining to my father what I am “doing with my life”
About 1 in every 4 Lists I propose are published. Examples of the unpublished ones are:
1. 5 Countries USA makes look worse than they are
2. Top 10 rudest questions to never ask an A-Sexual person
3. Women you have never heard of (and don’t need to)
The one that was published:
1. 11 Pop Culture Portraits Painted on Toilet Seats.
The Next few weeks went like this:
1. Proposed 5 new lists to be published
a. 3 reasons “50 Shades of Grey” sucks
b. 10 of the Most Depressing Hallmark Card Quotes
c. Top 5 Vegetables that will Give You Diarrhea (with gif sets)
d. The “Passion of the Christ” Drinking Game
e. 4 Examples of Why Beyonce is Not Hot
2. Boss hated all of them
3. I Cried in the bathroom
4. Boss called me back in, made fun of me for crying
5. Gave me the list of the week with the most hits
6. Told me to follow that list, to pay attention to how its written (listing is an art)
The List he gave me was titled “3 Things You Need to Make Your Life More Fulfilling”
1. A Pet (accompanied by gif sets of puppies and sleeping kittens)
So I went out and got a cat. I rescued her at the pound, took her to the vet, bought her food and a laser pointer, and brought her home. I named her Addie and played with her and fed her before going to bed. I woke up to the mostly white fuzz sleeping on my head. It was a very touching moment until I rolled over and felt my hand enter a warm sticky mound. Addie preferred my bed to the litter box. Shuffling into my living room I found that the drapes were torn down, the couches ripped up, and all of the water glasses and house plants were tipped over. I watched as Addie urinated on my computer.
2. A Netflix Account
I watched every season available of Gossip Girl, Malcolm in the Middle, Star Treck. Used 3 of my 5 allowed paid sick-days. Only ate fast delivered food, gained 10 pounds, the cat slept on my feet. That was nice. I made a list of my favorite things to do while watching Netflix but forgot to email them to my boss.
3. A Pair of Lucky Underwear
Bought a new pair from target. Realized I have no idea how to make underwear lucky. I lit some candles in a circle around the grey-striped underwear and willed them to be lucky. The cat sat down on top of them. I wore the lucky underwear to work the next day. Nothing Changed. I didn’t write anything anyone liked.
I took up knitting instead of following that stupid list. I refuse to write a list about knitting.